On Finding Discipline

When I was a kid I took up so. Many. Hobbies. I played the violin for five minutes. I played the piano. Took up the guitar. Played netball, field hockey and football. I did karate, ballet and Kumon. I never understood a thing about how to play the recorder but god knows I tried.

I tried all of these things because kids get to try on hobbies to figure out what it is they love, what it is they're good at. I also saw Amadeus at far too young an age and dreamt of being a child prodigy. Unfortunately, I just wasn't willing to put in the work to become the next Mozart. I never really stuck to anything besides writing. And so over time, I began to tell myself a story. The story was that I wasn't disciplined, I was lazy, I couldn't commit to anything fully. And that I would never really become a genius at anything because I gave up too easily.

Over time, as these things do, the story sort of calcified within me. It became the thing I tell myself when self-loathing marches in like the dickhead self-loathing is. The story is: I don't stick to anything and therefore I will never get good at anything. I have proven, over and over and over again that this story is not true.

But still, this story settled into my system and into the beliefs I have about myself. But the stories we tell ourselves are more often than not total bullshit. It's my job, now that the story lives rent-free in my body, to add new stories. To take the story in a different direction. So I can show up with evidence that it's no longer true.

Do you have a story that you use to self-flagellate with? I think we often use them to keep us from moving forward (I know I do). My challenge for you is to spend some time writing out a story you tell yourself that no longer holds weight, but you tell it anyway. Write the whole thing out. What evidence do you have that it's no longer true? How can you remind yourself of that next time the tape is running? I’ve created a worksheet for you below that you can use to write the story. Once you’ve done it, drop me a line and let me know how it goes.