Trees Don't Judge Their Growing Pains, They Just Grow, OK?!
“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
– Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin Volume 4 1944-1947
When I was younger I truly thought that I'd arrive at some moment in my life, further along the way, and feel like a grown-up. The joke on all of us humans is that just does not fully happen. Considering how many memes there are about this exact topic (not to mention all the art made about it throughout history), I'd say it's a universal feeling. Growing pains exist no matter what stage of life you're in. Who knows what it means to be completely grown up. Sure, there are the markers society puts on us to tell us that we've ‘made it’, that we've achieved some metric that makes us feel like we have some control over our lives.
I love the idea that Anaïs Nin puts forward in the above quote: ‘We do not grow absolutely…We are mature in one realm, childish in another.’ How true that is for me: how ‘wise’ I'm told I am by others and yet how completely childish I can be around my family. But how boring would life be if we grew up to a point and then stopped? And if we stopped playing out some version of our child self from time to time? How stale would our relationships get if we weren't ever-evolving and becoming?
There have been many moments, big and small since my liver transplant when I felt like my growth was stunted. First in really big ways: having to learn to walk again really infantilised me. Moving back into my parents’ home and relying on them for everything did too. But then there were the smaller ways in which I felt stunted: being forced out of the workforce for three years, and then trying to crawl my way back in, unsteady on my feet - not sure of how much output would be enough to make me feel challenged and little enough to not drain my energy. The trauma I experienced kept me stunted, too. It would be a long while until I realised that I spent the first few years in a state of freeze. We all need judgment-free support moving to and from various states.
Nature is a great companion and example to us humans when we’re maybe spending more time than we need to judging or analysing the ways we are or aren’t growing. The earth doesn’t spend time agonising over where it’s going to sprout leaves in spring or shed them in the winter. It just fucking does it and moves on. Nothing gets me out of analysis paralysis better than moving my body and handing over my pain and problems to the earth. I’m leading a class this weekend to help you through that - and whatever growing pains you might be experiencing, no matter what age you are.
The theme for this class this month is EARTH BASED REVERENCE. This class will invite you to become really clear on the ways you're in communication with and relationship to the earth and ask you to lean in to its support.
In the Northern hemisphere spring is in full swing with all the abundance it brings. You look up to the tress and suddenly find verdant pastures all around you (even if you’re in the city, canopies of green suddenly top your city streets).
A friend recently reminded me of a teaching that has helped me through so much: any pain and suffering we experience can be offered up to the earth, and she can help you transmute it. We’ll be working with this teaching in class.
The movement portion of class will be a somatic dance practice called Body Temple Dance, so be prepared for that but also you can come as you are - no need to wear any special clothing, just something that you can move around in.
To gain access to all the classes I teach, as well as support this newsletter, you can sign up to my Patreon here! I'm also teaching a 30-minute breathwork and meditation class TODAY at 3 pm EST/8 PM, if you sign up now you'll receive a link to join!