Triumph Like a Girl
This week was International Women's Day, which for most of us is completely unavoidable (especially if you traverse those murky waters known as social media). Theoretically, the day does not annoy me, but in practice it really, really does. I don't like that we get a day, in the midst of an entire month to celebrate women. To say “women's day is everyday!” in an effort to rebuke the elaborate PR stunt is not enough in my mind. Women's day is clearly not everyday, otherwise we wouldn't have a day and I don't like the condescension implicit in offering us a day, in amongst the rubble of a decaying patriarchy. I know, I know: my view is cynical. And I know, that’s not what the spirit of the day is about - but unfortunately, that’s what it’s turned into. I hear you say - ‘but Nora, we thought you were about peace and love!’ Well, as someone with five planets in Scorpio, I'm more about death and sex. Listen, I love that they're intended to lift people and I hate that they up end up being an opportunity for corporations and brands to co-opt it to make empty promises and false proclamations. This Gender Pay Bot trolling corps like Goldman Sachs on Twitter was a highlight of my day on Tuesday.
BUT. But. Obviously, I'm thinking about women this week. What it means to be a woman. My conception of that has certainly changed over time, along with my self-conception. When I was younger I thought being a woman was synonymous with being gentle, quiet, docile even. The archetype I most wanted to emulate as a kid was Liv Tyler in Empire Records - sweet, studious, generous, damaged. She gave so much that she ground herself down to a hapless waif, all the while simmering with rage. The irony is that Liv Tyler was definitely still a child in that film.
Still, I digested the idea that a ‘good’ woman gives so much that eventually she runs out of steam – that's certainly a cultural idea we have of what a woman should be. As I've aged, when I think about who I am as a woman, it's to be in a quiet rage almost all the time with access to deep wells of tenderness. I've learned to give with measure, and always add myself to the list. To be a woman is a dichotomy, to constantly be holding multiple truths: both wild and gentle, strong and soft. A contradiction in parts. All the best women I know are. The above poem by Ada Limón articulates this so well, especially with the line ‘As if this big dangerous animal is also a part of me,/ that somewhere inside the delicate skin of my body, there pumps an 8-pound female horse heart,/ giant with power, heavy with blood.’
Happy woman's month, from your resident cantankerous witch. I've got some classes coming up both in person and online and I'm very excited to share them with you. In the Patreon this month, we’re exploring PLEASURE.
We begin Divine Desire, a 21 day embodied writing course, this Sunday March 13th and there is still time to sign up! It's going to be such a fun ride, with an incredible group of facilitators and I am so pumped that I get the opportunity to teach on it. Come join us!