We're Not Beating Ourselves Up This Year
I wrote myself a letter the other week, as I often do at the start of the year. I hope this piece of writing will be a reminder to go easier on yourself this year. Though the bodily experience I've had is particular to me, and my writing is reflective of that - I think the sentiment can apply to us all. I was speaking with my dear friend Barrie (owner of the internet's weirdest and most wonderful IG stories) this week and she shared with me a mantra she came up with her therapist: 'We're not going to beat ourselves up this year.' Which I now share with you: beautiful in its simplicity.
Maybe, like me, you'll be inspired to promptly put it on a post-it note by your desk. I've been feeling this sentiment a LOT since the beginning of December, trying to figure out ways that I can be more gentle with myself. I don't want to spend time picking at myself - it does nothing for me or anyone around me and it prevents me (and you) from the work at hand: that of being alive, and living with extraordinary softness.
And so I share this letter with you, to invite you to go easy on your body this year, it carries you through so much:
This body is my friend. This body helps me thrive. This body knows me well. This body tells a story. Of trauma, loss, illness and pain. Of healing, connection, love and beauty.
I acknowledge and honour the journey you've taken to get here. My scars are a map to my personal underworld. They take me deeper in. I'm sorry I ignored you for so long.
My bones click, reminding me of breaks and mistakes.
My solar plexus groans under the muscle mass, repaired but not removed.
My liver speaks to me in quiet tones, signalling me to slow down - rest, sleep, eat, repeat.
My kidneys chime with sadness, helping me to know when tears are close and fear is present.
My lungs breathe me even when I feel weak, even when I am too tired to do it myself.
Look at the work you put in. The help you asked for. The support you sought out, and do. The people you found. The friends you called. The meetings and classes and groups and sessions you went to. The books you read. Even when you didn't want to, especially when you didn't want to. You are here, you are worthy, the love you have within you is indestructible and limitless. Look around this body, it's a map. It loves you, even when you're in battle. It is your ally. It is your friend.
You are not your body. You only have your body. Stay with me now. Don't leave me now. Love me now.
A letter to/from my body at the beginning of 2022.
Below is a link to instructions on how to do Square Breath, which can be helpful if/when you’re being hard on yourself. Use it in good health.