The Virtues of the Check-In

I have talked about this before, but it bears repeating: though my liver transplant was one of the hardest and most wretched physical trials I've been through, it also provided me with a great gift. I was forced to check in with myself on a regular basis. At the start of that process, it felt completely insane. I spent the first 28 years of my life on planet earth spending as much time as possible trying to get outside my body because I couldn't handle how much I felt. Then I was forced to feel every single thing that went on in my physical and emotional body and there was nowhere to run.

The first year of my recovery really wasn't recovery at all, because I'd get sick again eight months later. But it set me on a path to having to check in with myself about what I felt comfortable with. I had to check in with myself if I felt comfortable in a certain social setting. In a public place. In my relationships. It forced me to have boundaries when previously I didn't even know what a boundary was. Sure I'd heard about these magical boundaries people had. But did I have any? Absolutely not. Were boundaries for losers? Yes, yes they were.

These days, I check in with myself before I make bad decisions. Before I stay up all night. Before I get too hungry. Before I get too riled up. Before I feel so overwhelmed I can no longer function. Before I spend all my money to fill a hole. Before _____ insert whatever contraction is relevant for you. I’m still forced to, as I was at the beginning because my body as it is now cannot handle the strain I used to put it through - and believe me, I have tested it to ‘check’. My feet literally cannot dance all night long anymore without cramping, and that’s a hard (if endlessly frustrating) boundary for me.

This is what we've been asked to do in the pandemic: to check in with ourselves about what feels right for us. What do we need? Where can we rest? What do we ask of others? When do we have to have hard conversations or make requests that previously may have made us feel uncomfortable? And also, a big one for me, when do we have to admit that we just don't have the answer? We've seen a mass boundary setting exercise in The Great Resignation: witnessing an entire workforce leave because the old ways wasn't working (so it's on us to do what we gotta do, to survive). Excuse the interlude, but what is the point of having your own newsletter if you can't casually quote Tupac? A forever sage. Clearly, people have checked in with themselves when it comes to career and shifted their ideas about what works and what doesn’t.

I think the flip side of decision fatigue - which is a constant in the age we live in - is the gift of the check-in™️. So, if you haven't done that this week and you've been flying through your life at warp speed without pause, may this note serve as a reminder to check in this weekend. To move a bit slower than you usually would. Or to move faster than your mind can think (depending on what your nervous system needs).

I've recorded a breath practice for you that you can pick up below. May it help you check in with yourself so you can give yourself what you need.